A gift is a requirement at a shoewr. If we go way back to the 1900s, before The Wedding Industry got busy corrupting the traditions, a shoewr was a very casual party that was spontaneously created by acquaintances of the couple, not something engineered into existance by hapless bridesmaids mining the wedding guest list for people from whom to extract extra gifts. Traditionally guests were people who wanted to help the couple, but mostly would not be attending the wedding such as the bowling league, childhood neighbors, or coworkers. Your admission price of a gift got you silly games, cookies and punch, and a chance to win The Grand Prize at the end of the party. Over the years The Bridal Industy has somewhat transformed the shoewr into an entitlement, so that even where there is no group of acquaintance eager to shoewr the bride with gifts, a shoewr is nonetheless is expected. This has gone so far that the old rule against inviting wedding guests to the shoewr (excepting those very close to the couple who ASK to be invited) has been nearly forgotten, and some people are convinced that the only correct thing is to invite guests to either both or neither. As a traditionalist, I am happy to see guests recognizing Why this isn’t a shoewr at all, this is a bridal luncheon. I suppose someone is CALLING it a shoewr in the hopes of getting gifts and I’ll not be a party to their greedy bad manners. However, I would be even happier if people would simply decline the invitation, subtly letting it be known I’m already going to the wedding. Enough is enough. Getting married does not confer any entitlement to gifts, not even from people who attend your wedding ceremony and/or reception. In terms of etiquette all that is required is a letter of congratulations, a prompt response to any invitations, and (if attending the reception) a letter thanking the hosts for the nice party. It has become very usual for reception guests to say thank you with a gift instead of a letter, but it is not required. Miss Manners advises us to send wedding gifts either before the wedding or after the honeymoon. Hosts have enough to do with the burden of accepting gifts, guarding against theft, keeping track of who gave what, and schlepping the stuff home.
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Poonam says
A gift is a requirement at a shoewr. If we go way back to the 1900s, before The Wedding Industry got busy corrupting the traditions, a shoewr was a very casual party that was spontaneously created by acquaintances of the couple, not something engineered into existance by hapless bridesmaids mining the wedding guest list for people from whom to extract extra gifts. Traditionally guests were people who wanted to help the couple, but mostly would not be attending the wedding such as the bowling league, childhood neighbors, or coworkers. Your admission price of a gift got you silly games, cookies and punch, and a chance to win The Grand Prize at the end of the party. Over the years The Bridal Industy has somewhat transformed the shoewr into an entitlement, so that even where there is no group of acquaintance eager to shoewr the bride with gifts, a shoewr is nonetheless is expected. This has gone so far that the old rule against inviting wedding guests to the shoewr (excepting those very close to the couple who ASK to be invited) has been nearly forgotten, and some people are convinced that the only correct thing is to invite guests to either both or neither. As a traditionalist, I am happy to see guests recognizing Why this isn’t a shoewr at all, this is a bridal luncheon. I suppose someone is CALLING it a shoewr in the hopes of getting gifts and I’ll not be a party to their greedy bad manners. However, I would be even happier if people would simply decline the invitation, subtly letting it be known I’m already going to the wedding. Enough is enough. Getting married does not confer any entitlement to gifts, not even from people who attend your wedding ceremony and/or reception. In terms of etiquette all that is required is a letter of congratulations, a prompt response to any invitations, and (if attending the reception) a letter thanking the hosts for the nice party. It has become very usual for reception guests to say thank you with a gift instead of a letter, but it is not required. Miss Manners advises us to send wedding gifts either before the wedding or after the honeymoon. Hosts have enough to do with the burden of accepting gifts, guarding against theft, keeping track of who gave what, and schlepping the stuff home.